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* Posts by Graham Jordan

214 posts • joined Wednesday 14th February 2007 12:29 GMT

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Graham Jordan

Down thumb

Feature wise this looks the bollox.

Aesthetically it looks shit.

No really it does. It looks like a turd made love to a turd and had a baby turd that got squashed by a really heavy turd.

Graham Jordan

Sonic 4 Episode 2

And the DLC for Keflings.

I want to look forward to Fable : The Journey, but since Fable 3 is still full of bugs with dodgy achievements, Lionhead can suck my balls. Literally. They can place my balls in their mouth and suck them.

Tomb Raider, and if Final Fantasy Versus 13 ever gets released then that too.

Graham Jordan

Re: Owneer of Lumia 800... Avoid like plague

Dazza + Fuzz

Just done some Googling and Nokia's don't have tethering enabled. Yes Win7 supports, no Nokia haven't given it us. However it seems 800's/710's are getting it in a future update and the 900's will have it from the off.

Graham Jordan

Owneer of Lumia 800... Avoid like plague

As beautiful as the phone is, and it is beautiful, it's only as good as the OS. WinPhone is nothing more than a beta product right now.

Fat fingers? Get used to QWERTY keyboard as there's no old skool phone keypad keyboard available.

Crap speller? Buy a pocket dictionary. Whilst Android allows some form of guess work for those words that bamboozle you, don't expect the same courtesy in WinPhone. Sure you can spell tomorrow with the occasional wrong letter... But only if said wrong letter is next to the correct (i.e. E instead of R)

Nosey girlfriend? You're fucked if you get a text as she happens to be looking at your phone. There's no option to turn off message notifications. There's no decent SMS apps available either.

Tethering? I've read countless sites saying 7.0 allowed tethering. I can't find it in 7.5.

Auto time? Nope. Manual. Although it does adjust for BST, it'll only give you the extra hour. If your clock is wrong it'll stay wrong until you manually correct it.

Email search? Sure. But only if you download your entire email inbox. Searching passed 7 days is impossible unless all your mail items are available. On your phone.

Background data usage? Expect a big bill if you go abroad. I turned mine on whilst out of the country to retrieve an email. Whatever the phone did during the 10 minutes or so data was turned on cost me 6mb of data usage. Emails only download header information and blank text until you hit "download images", that's a lot of data going somewhere.

Copy and paste functionality? Crap.

Big gamer? £2.29 is the standard Xbox game price, £5.49 for Pacman. There's no Cut The Rope or Words With Friends/Hanging With Friends or Angry Birds Seasons/Rio to name but a few.

Customisable? 8 colours in which to use for your tiles. And that's it. Big shortcuts. in 8 colours.

As a fan of xbox gaming, the achievements are the only thing keeping me on this phone, I miss almost everything about Android. I'm holding out for Tango, if it's rubbish I'm moving back to HTC.

Graham Jordan

Sad times for staff.

A friend works there. They've all found out about possible redundancies through the BBC et el and not from management.

I'm in town for a new PlayStation 3. I think I'll wait a week.

Graham Jordan

No winPhone?

Fucks sake. I'm gonna sell this piece of shit before I'm even three months into the fucking thing.

Graham Jordan

3D porn

Is it out yet? Because if it is, I'd be prepared to sell my car/girlfriend/soul for such a beast.

Graham Jordan

We can fix this surely?

I have an aquarium at home with some pH correcting chemicals. I’m happy to do my part and hand it over to the greenies.

It is however in a plastic non-recyclable bottle… Because I'm the devil.

Graham Jordan

There's a woman in the photo

And all everyone cares about is keeping the craft horizontal.

Today is a sad day.

Graham Jordan

insert standard shock horror response

As a Final Fantasy fan, VII was far from the best ending. VIII or XII pissed all over it. Even FFX-II was superior.

Streets of Rage 2 has by far the coolest ending music in a video game. EVER.

Graham Jordan

Big fan... not inspired

As someone who's taken a week off work to play each new title on release date I'd consider myself one of the more dedicated fans.

Tomorrow I'm off to Egypt for a week and feel no remorse. I watched a few trailers and played five minutes of the demo. Uninspired.

I like the cut scenes, ok the dialogue attached can be rubbish but chunky swords and scanty clothing does it for me. What I don't like is the same rehashed characters. Has there ever been a FF game where at least one of the playable characters hasn’t been an orphan on a voyage for self-discovery? It’s getting boring now. Noel looks like a c**t. I really don’t want to spend 100 hours getting all trophies when I just want to smash the shit out of the lead.

Whilst many would argue, with the exception of Paine in FFX-2, all playable characters in modern FF games have some form of personality. I hated Steiner in FFIX and for that reason IX is my favourite by a long shot. It doesn’t look like they’ve even tried with this release. A CGI fest and nothing but.

Graham Jordan

3 mobile do them for £400 unlocked

Where I bought mine from.

Still on the fence though. It looks beautiful and is oh so very fast.

But short of xbox live games you're more likely to find tumbleweed in the market than you are anything useful.

VNC? - No thanks, they're all shit.

RDC? £5? - Surely I'm not the only person offended by the idea of paying £5 for a Microsoft based product on a Microsoft phone not built by Microsoft?

Unless you use Live for your calendar then you can kiss goodbye to alerts for facebook birthdays.

There’s absolutely no customisation to the SMS app, I want to be able to turn off previewing so I can continue receiving smutty texts from my wife’s sister (Go SMS on Android, black list on iphone did this fantastically).

Tethering? If it’s in there it’s hiding away.

Why can I not use my phone as a portable drive? I could on my android.

Why is there no other keyboard other than qwerty? Some of us have fat fingers, I need a number pad keyboard ala button old school style.

All big flaws as far as I’m concerned. Maybe Apollo will fix this, but Mango just seems a Beta really.

Graham Jordan
Paris Hilton

Can someone tell me...

Could the boffins on this site identify what would happen if we puny earthlings fired 100+ nukes at locations on Mars and Venus within a 20 mile range of each other?

Because it's ok finding an earth like planet 100 light years away but when we can only travel at 25% (this number has been pulled out of my ass based on figures from the internets and are therefore in no way accurate) the speed of light, surely heeating up Mars / cooling down Venus seems the more logical immediate sollution to our overcrowding.

It's also worth noting I am in no way a science geek. If the outcome of my mental experiment is crumpled metal due to no oxygen to ignite the bomb then so be it. My geek is set to just about understanding Star Wars.

Graham Jordan

Just bought 5.5tb of WD storage

Booyah!

Someone's watching over me... well, 317 people perhaps. (Too much?)

Graham Jordan

@fat bob

I'm glad someone mentuioned this. Sure poor countries won't benefit from them, but given how much water these things can produce you could in theory create an Amzon cutting east to west through Africa and change the eco system along with it bringing more rain to starved areas.

But that's of course just a theory, a theory held back by money and politics.

Fresh water should never be a cause for war. Over population however gets my vote.

Graham Jordan

Every time I admit I love dubstep a piece of my soul dies

Consider the title once again admitting i love dubstep.

This is shit by the way.

But dupstep makes my penis erect.

Graham Jordan

Smiley face?

Did you respond with LOL? Please tell me you did. Any email with a smiley face in cannot be taken seriously. Ever.

:-)

Graham Jordan

So are we ready to tell the Scots to fuck off?

Or does the North sea and the waters surrounding Scotland have equally as much Shale gas to keep us holding their hands?*

*I'm actually not a racist and couldn't give two monkeys about their independence or reliance on handouts. I R here to spark debate... a mass debate!

Graham Jordan

Fed up of Android

Perhaps its just my shitty HTC Desire, perhaps its lazy developers not catering for all phones and thus apps are buggy as hell, perhaps it's HTC waiting an age after a new release before giving it to us customers, but I'm fed up of my Android and am very tempted to go the route of WP7 once the new bread of phones start rolling out.

I've not actually seen a single one though, are they any good? I mean honestly, GUI aside, will i be alerted to a new mail on googlemail, will it delete from source, will it read my gmail contacts or port them and will the battery last more than 6 hours?

Graham Jordan

S.L.A.G

Sealed Liquidless Advanced Go-a-matron

Clearly I'm not a technical geek.

However I like the word slag.

Graham Jordan

Still a piece of shit

Haven't had time to put into modem mode, got the update and tried a few things that simply wouldn't work on R26.

I still can't UNC onto anything at all on my network.

My wireless connected xbox still drops off xbox live when the ethernet one is swtiched on.

Seriously, I'm very grateful for modem mode and have every intention of setting it up tonight, but someone who's not a power user and forced to take this heap of shit as a new customer is going to be fucking outraged when their son\daughters xbox keeps dropping off every two minutes.

I'm sure there are dozens more issues still outstanding, well, from a purely selfish point of view, hazzah to modem mode.

Posted in Dead Island
Graham Jordan

as a fan of Dead Rising...

Should I buy this or wait for DR2: Off the record?

Answers on a postcard please...

Graham Jordan

If someone could make a like-minded API which automatically replies on each status with "Fuck off you hippie cunt" I'll happily friend them.

Graham Jordan
Unhappy

clean power huh

So I'm no closer to getting any super powers then?

FML

Graham Jordan

I like dubstep I do

And every time I admit it a piece of my soul dies.

Quite frankly it's just noise. But the more noisey it is the more likely it is to make my penis erect.

Graham Jordan

If anything it paves the way for more specs-less TV's

55inch is a little too big for my room. And by little too big I mean about 15inches to big. Ah well. Still, if it works, doesn't make me feel like I'm out in the Atlantic on a rubber dingy and doesn't cost more than my car then it's hard not to get excited.

God I can't wait for 3D porn.

Graham Jordan

Awful piece of kit

No UNC. DNS works sporadically, one day I can use VNC by name, others by IP, never by both. Remote desktop doesn't work unless I'm inside my network. My second Xbox drops if using wireless when my first Xbox connects to LIVE.

Also, it looks fucking shit and won't fit under my TB because of the stupid built in stand.

It boggles the mind they're still shipping this piece of shit. From what I understand it's only the 100mb service that requires them and reading one thread on their forums even this isn't absolute necessary. So why are they shipping it to all L + customers? Are they just out to piss their user base off?

Give us modem use only. This should be your number one priority you incompetent fools.

Graham Jordan

726 minutes too long

Ok maybe it's because I haven't read the books, maybe it's because I prefer ninja's to homosexual dwarf like people with hairy feet, maybe it's because it never occurred to anyone to fly Frodo on one of those eagle type things over the volcano in the first movie thus negating the need for several hours of Orlando bland, but the whole trilogy was shit.

Controversial opinion perhaps? Do I just “not get it”? Maybe. But having once done a marathon of all three extended editions in a weekend I sincerely wanted to pull my own face off and beat Peter Jackson with it.

Roll on the revisited 3D editions in about four years time.

Graham Jordan

Too much time for sceptics?

Me thinks he means not enough.

Funny how the BBC hasn't updated its anual artic ice coverage show-a-ma-graph for quite some time, you know, the time in which the artic ice hasn't shrunk considerably.

If I just happened to have missed that article someone please do link to it, oh how I love to chuckle at the expanding ice as the sun spots decline.

Graham Jordan

Jason Bourne would be proud.

Loved it. Wasn't so keen on last one but this had me giggling like a school girl, oddly enough next to school girl on work experience. fun times.

Obviously the boss isn't a fan of Matt Damon else he'd have spotted the line straight away.

Graham Jordan

Bill Hicks

If only he were alive today. His stand up act would reach new heights with all these new allegations.

Graham Jordan
Mushroom

Lets face it

We'd all like to put our man fat on Megan's face. Give Bay his credit, he picked a hottie.

However I dare say hottie can and may have been made using Bay's "fit girls for dummie's" guide

1) Dress woman in next to nothing. Make sure any clothing woman has to wear is too small.

2) Regardless of location, woman has to sweat. A lot. But not under the arms.

3) Acting? What is this thing you call acting? Refer to rule 1 and 2. If criteria is met acting can be passed upon.

Still, I favour anything Megan says and does over Bay. Bay makes me violant. Why does everything have to explode?!?!?!

Graham Jordan
Mushroom

Syphilis

I look forward to a dose of Syphilis more than I do the Wii-U.

Anyway...

I'm no high horse folk, I'm not a core gamer though I do own both the 360 and PS3, my other half has the Wii.

It seems to me though the core gamer has long gone. Why would a core gamer give up a mature system all their mates play online for something that will no doubt play the same games with the same graphics at the same speed in which there are absoloutly no benefits whatsoever.

The controller looks retarded. I would sooner use cow dung to control my games and aside from that "magic" moment in September/October time, cow dung is offensive. Again, I'm not a core gamer, would a core gamer want to use something retarded that does not output mushrooms? Probably not.

So all Nintendo are going to get out of this venture is Zelda/Mario fans as lets face it, everything Nintendo has done has been utterly crap minus a few EXCELLENT games.

But don't take my word for it. I'm not a core gamer. And I also like magic mushrooms.

Graham Jordan

A smell the shits

A friend of mine has a custom ROM on his, it's been stable for a month or so. I've put off flashing mine because I've been content with 2.2.

With this news however, looks like I'll be flashing mine this weekend. Well done HTC. Because of your laziness Rovio will get zero revenue from me as I remove the Ad bollox.

PS. I'll be moving to Samsung once my contract is up. Love and hugs.

Graham Jordan

gonna be shit anyway

King Kong will defend the dam whilst orks chuck spears at the mighty stealth bomber only detected on gps when the dumb but lovable kid from south Carolina accidentally releases celebratary fireworks prematurely.

Peter Jackson offends me more than anyone else bar Michael Bay. Sigh

Graham Jordan

hahahahahahahahaha

that is all.

Graham Jordan

In Silco

Average album but The Tempest makes me sex wee.

Graham Jordan

30th birthday

Do you think HP will be kind enough to give me, a loyal customer (true story) one for my 30th birthday which happens to be on the 18th of May?

Pass on a good word for me El Reg.

Love and kisses.

Posted in Go SMS Pro
Graham Jordan

Love it

Having used Handscent for several months I switched to Go after wiping phone. Thankful for doing so to, in every single way I've found Go significently better.

Very happy with this, to the extend I'd even pay should I have to.

Posted in 2011 Ford Focus
Graham Jordan
Alert

Tech is useless...

The only question worth asking is will it make my penis look bigger or should I stick to saving up for a BMW?

Graham Jordan

Moving house soon

Got 50mbs where I am and it runs smoother than a... really smooth thing.

Quite fancy the 100mbs thing but the last two articles have put me off. Anyone with one of know if I can sod off their modem/router combo and just get a modem? It doesn't sound like this new one is particually customizable, I have my router set up perfectly and don't plan on scrapping it in favour of a Netgear peice of shit.

Graham Jordan

Tits?

For us normal people who just happen to be good at IT stuff.

I do not fall into this category. I just don't get to see many tits.

Graham Jordan

Insert witty yet intelligent title here

Hazzah to Lewis, god I love this articles.

Lewis I’m afraid one would seriously have to disagree with you. The Typhoons are not crappy, they’re actually really good shit. What you seem to be doing is comparing them to fighter jets no one outside of America will ever get their hands on and another that we’ll be flying ourselves in a few years. If we compare fighter jets from across the planet would these three not top the list?

Americans may not fear the Typhoon but you’d be fooling yourself if you thought our enemies were in the same boat. A well planned offensive doesn’t need stealth capabilities, radar bases can be taken out from a distance and then there’s always low level attacks, something that worked exceedingly well in the first gulf war. Stealth is only necessary in dog fights and plausible deniability attacks. So what we have then is a bloody good all-round jet capable of air to air and bombing campaigns that short of fighting the yanks puts the shits up our enemies.

Regarding the cost, you once wrote an article on how it was imperative Trident wasn’t cancelled. Do you not see the irony in rubbishing the Typhoons, an MOD purchase that has and will see war time deployment yet you have a serious hard-on for a massively expensive unnecessary weapon that will NEVER (and I cant stress this enough) see war time deployment. And don’t give me that “It’s because it exists that it’ll never be used” line, that may have worked during the cold war era but not any more, Jihadists don’t give a monkeys what we could lunch if we wanted, even should a terrorist organisation get there hands on and use a nuke on the UK we’d still have no legitimate target in which to use it on.

All in all I say go team RAF. If we’ve now got these bad boys dropping bombs then we now have a formidable strike force. I in no way whatsoever condone manufactured death at the touch of a button but at least its good to know we’re at the forefront of this capability.

Graham Jordan

Michael Bay

Hmmmm, I'd be more inclined to send Michael Bay. See with Shyamalan, it's obvious you're going to be dissapointed but at least it's his own creation, he's destroying his own work. Michael on the other hand gets good films but destroys them. God how I wanted to stand on his neck having watched Transformers 2. The problem is I knew it would be pants but felled compelled to watch it because there's cars that turn into robots man, ROBOTS!!!

Graham Jordan

The sad thing is

They did this to themselves.

It was pretty clear Geohot was bullshitting first time around which in turn got the OtherOS removed. Had Sony have simply boosted security without removing the OtherOS the PS would remain unchallanged.

What would have been even better is post the 3.4 Jailbreak hack sony re-introduced OtherOS in 3.55. Again hackers would have stopped messing about just as quickly as they'd started it.

Hey ho. I plan on getting a second PS3 as mine is horrifcally noisy. My original will be used as a dodgy box with proper MKV support (it'll happen with homebrew) and an emulator.

No pirates were harmed in the making of this post.

Graham Jordan

@ AC No#

No you don't.

Check out psgroove. You'll see Geohot and failoverflow have their hack running on 3.55 firmware. Why would it need to be jailbroken if they have the master key?

Graham Jordan

on 50mb service

And use newsgroups.

I rarely slip below 40mb.

Bloody beautiful it is. One of those things you don't realise how great it is until you queue up 100gb before you go to bed and find it all nicely downloaded for you in the morning. My other half watches xvids on her Xbox. 3 minutes and its down, it takes longer to repair/extract than it does to download.

Unless Virgin decided to throttle 50mb I don;t see the urgency to move, but would take it up in a snap the moment they imposed restrictions.

Graham Jordan

Long term nokia fan... until recently

Levente has it right. I dispised the N95 and every Nokia since. They were shit. My loyality almost had me buy the X6 but fear of another shocking effort pushed me to the HTC Desire and I love it.

It'd take something unlike a revolution to bring me back to Nokia, something so huge I can't even think it up.

Graham Jordan

I'd like to get my hands on one of these...

I'm probably one of the minority that would like one of these to run the game from disc and not blu-ray. That really would be my only use for one, I care not for pirating games, I like my original shiny disc on a bookcase too much to even consider pirating.

If this tool stops momentary glitches in games then count me in. Those few iffy moments during ffxiii were an upset, this was the most beautiful game in the world ruined by loading times.

If this dongle lets me play from hdd then I want. If its merely a backup tool then count me out.

Alas I feel I really would be one of the few that'd use it for this purpose, for every user with a legitimate reason there'd be several thousands just wanting to play pirated games.

Having said that, regardless of which way it goes, this won't be the end of piracy on the PS3. This is just the beginning.

Graham Jordan

Thank heavens

So I'm in London on a weeks training course. Is this place anywhere near Liverpool Station?

Just so I know to avoid it...

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