Been a while since I received an ANGRY EMAIL – and been never since I sent one in return. I do my SHOUTING in person.
My advice to ANGRY EMAILERS is this: don’t write drunk, arsehole. But if you must, and you lack all self control, check out this anger-o-meter. It may save you from shame, lost friends, lost jobs and found …
... the nastier you are the better response you get. One paragraph of invective often gets a better response than a full page of softly softly. Just saying.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 16:08 GMT
Anonymous Coward
re: One paragraph of invective often gets a better response
#
I find being polite but forceful (not to be confused with rude/aggressive) - laying out case and what I want them to do gets the best results.
I have watched people get "aggressive" with sales staff and think they get a good deal out of it - but they aren't usually bright enough to do the sums which show the staff rip them off with while seeming to capitulate
I will NEVER Red El Reg AGAIN after being SO INSULTED by that article. Who do you think your readers are?!!! Are you TRYING to drive them off? Do you even WANT any readers?
I don't think this is the first such system. We had something similar at a place I once worked at, which gave you a score of 1 to 5 on how offensive an email was before giving you the option to send or retract it.
Rather predictably in a standard UK office environment, within 5 minutes this deteriorated into a contest to see who could send the most offensive email and hit the magic top score.
It wouldn't be the "end" of the forums, it would just mean that those who haven't got the ability to write a cohesive argument wouldn't be able to post.
Posts like "MS software sucks bollox" would be blocked (even though it's true). It would certainly keep the flame-wars down.
Is there a recipient version? It would send the email back to the sender with an attached maths / science problem. If they are unable to solve the problem, then their email is not delivered.
I have precious little time already without stupid people using some of it.
Oh what am I doing here? Trying to distract myself before I go completely nuts. OK I'll go...
What's an "asshole"? A hole that a donkey or mule lives in?
(Dumb American's, they can't even swear properly and yet they think they've got some divine right to tell everyone else what to do and be the world's police).
My 5 year old copy of Eudora 7 does this for free. And it rates the emails with chili peppers. I think the worst I ever got was 3 chilis for a REMOVE I sent. It seemed to do a fairly good analysis because there was minimal cursing, mainly threats of reporting to Spamcop and the FTC.
... you wouldn't want your momma (mum to you Brits) to hear or read.
That being said, if I send an angry, pissed off email you better believe I want it to be taken that way. Being a retired old curmudgeon and decades old flamer, I have no problem in burning certain bridges and in fact get great pleasure from it. May do the situation absolutely no good except that at least one worthless individual knows he's been tagged. You just have to know when it's best to remain silent and then do so. The rest are fair game and for me it's open frakkin' season on the idiots of the world.
Those stupid Americans can't spell for toffee. Someone tried to make it easier for them by taking letters out of words (eg "Armour" has no "u" in America)
Unfortunately, when the letters were removed and juggled around, so was the common sense. I mean "ass" - that's a fecking donkey and we all know it. Except Americans who think it's a bottom.
Register
HEY ARSEHOLE: STOP SENDING ME ANGRY EMAILS
Been a while since I received an ANGRY EMAIL – and been never since I sent one in return. I do my SHOUTING in person. My advice to ANGRY EMAILERS is this: don’t write drunk, arsehole. But if you must, and you lack all self control, check out this anger-o-meter. It may save you from shame, lost friends, lost jobs and found …
This topic is closed for new posts.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:22 GMT
Wommit
Very nice, but #
do they have a version that ramps up the anger in your emails to TOTAL SPIT SPRAYING PSYCHO level?
That would be really neat.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:38 GMT
Code Monkey
I'll help #
I'll do it for a few quid. I bet a few other fellow commentards would, too. Just check our posting histories for references.
PS WHY IS THIS STORY IN REGHARDWARE? IT'S GOT JACK TURD TO DO WITH HARDWARE YOU HALF-WITTED ASSCLOWN. GOD THIS SITE SUCKS. UTTER SHITE, REG!
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 20:40 GMT
jake
Why in Hardware? #
Because there is no such thing as software. So-called software is merely the current state of the hardware.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 20:40 GMT
Anonymous Coward
Problems #
Too much punctuation and reasonable grammar to be a proper flame. Better luck next time :)
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:22 GMT
John Lilburne
Its a well known fact that ... #
... the nastier you are the better response you get. One paragraph of invective often gets a better response than a full page of softly softly. Just saying.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 16:08 GMT
Anonymous Coward
re: One paragraph of invective often gets a better response #
I find being polite but forceful (not to be confused with rude/aggressive) - laying out case and what I want them to do gets the best results.
I have watched people get "aggressive" with sales staff and think they get a good deal out of it - but they aren't usually bright enough to do the sums which show the staff rip them off with while seeming to capitulate
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:22 GMT
h 6
I will NEVER #
I will NEVER Red El Reg AGAIN after being SO INSULTED by that article. Who do you think your readers are?!!! Are you TRYING to drive them off? Do you even WANT any readers?
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:22 GMT
Blofeld's Cat
You are... #
Father Jack Hackett and I claim my 5 GBP
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 15:16 GMT
Steven Knox
Ah, no. #
Father Jack never bothered with the -HOLE, preferring to pepper in FECK, GIRLS, and DRINK instead.
Besides, the prize for finding Jack is a bottle of premium aged window cleaner.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:28 GMT
Evil Graham
Unintended side effects #
I don't think this is the first such system. We had something similar at a place I once worked at, which gave you a score of 1 to 5 on how offensive an email was before giving you the option to send or retract it.
Rather predictably in a standard UK office environment, within 5 minutes this deteriorated into a contest to see who could send the most offensive email and hit the magic top score.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:31 GMT
Anonymous Coward
It didn't pick up this but most humans will #
I know where your children go to school.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:38 GMT
Piers
WTF?!? #
FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! You didn't tell what you scored for your article! LOOOOOSER!!!
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:38 GMT
Jelliphiish
testes #
is this a test of our responses to the recently reiterated forum guidelines?..
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:38 GMT
mhoulden
Not new #
Didn't Eudora do this ages ago?
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:44 GMT
Drewc
Meh #
You missed the rather obvious point that Eudora users need ALL THE HELP THEY CAN GET...
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 15:36 GMT
Anonymous Coward
CRY ME A RIVER EMO KID #
What, you're saying the outhouse lusers don't need help? Or that they're beyond help? Oh well, carry on then.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:40 GMT
C Yates
"You smell and you have no friends." #
*sniffle* =.(
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:44 GMT
Anonymous Coward
Can we please... #
see the offending email?
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:48 GMT
Pavlovs well trained dog
CUNTS #
that's all i HAVE to SAY
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:52 GMT
Drewc
Re: CUNTS #
You had to go and cross that line, didn't you.
Bad dog, get back to your kennel.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:59 GMT
blackworx
Re: CUNTS #
BUCKETCUNTS!!!
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 15:00 GMT
Drewc
Re: Re: CUNTS #
I think we shall leave it at that, shall we.
Blackworx, wash your mouth out with soap, preferably carbolic.
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 08:19 GMT
Player_16
OK. Nazi's... #
....Hitler youth, death camps (blah, blah, blah). Is that a good ending to an argument?
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 09:31 GMT
Pavlovs well trained dog
in that case #
And remember... always have Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent
woof
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 14:58 GMT
Gene Cash
Sarah Bee? #
Is she going to licence the code for the forums?
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 15:00 GMT
Drewc
Re: Sarah Bee? #
For a commentard that's not a bad idea.
Mind you, that would be the end of the forums.
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 11:27 GMT
Anonymous Coward
RE: Re: Sarah Bee? #
It wouldn't be the "end" of the forums, it would just mean that those who haven't got the ability to write a cohesive argument wouldn't be able to post.
Posts like "MS software sucks bollox" would be blocked (even though it's true). It would certainly keep the flame-wars down.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 15:09 GMT
mafoo
or.. #
Anyone know of the app that was mentioned on QI that forces you to solve a maths problem before you can send you email - as a drunken rant preventer.
BOOTNOTE: Drew, how many emails did this person send? Enough, it seems, to get your kitty cat claws out and hackles up.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 15:49 GMT
BristolBachelor
@ mafoo #
Is there a recipient version? It would send the email back to the sender with an attached maths / science problem. If they are unable to solve the problem, then their email is not delivered.
I have precious little time already without stupid people using some of it.
Oh what am I doing here? Trying to distract myself before I go completely nuts. OK I'll go...
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 16:07 GMT
Chris Pearson
Google... #
Gmail has that as a labs feature you can turn on.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 16:07 GMT
David W.
maybe you should... #
...Learn how to spell 'asshole', you wretched, spineless, twat-cobbling, cock-chugging motherfuckers!
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 11:12 GMT
Anonymous Coward
RE: maybe you should... #
What's an "asshole"? A hole that a donkey or mule lives in?
(Dumb American's, they can't even swear properly and yet they think they've got some divine right to tell everyone else what to do and be the world's police).
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 16:28 GMT
blackworx
This thread #
Could well become the antithesis of Monday's measured, nicey nicey, ARSEHOLEY, polite discussion about the ARSEHOLING comment guidelines.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 16:28 GMT
Eddy Ito
"You smell and you have no friends." #
I blame it on my neighbor who's a real prick and hangs around with a couple of nuts.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 16:28 GMT
TheWhiteIdea
Hopefully #
this will help to generate some higher quality FOTWs.
The last few have been substantially lacking in unreasoned screaming.
Maybe some flamres will use this and realise that they are not using enough unsubstantiated invective.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 16:28 GMT
Eddie Johnson
Threat Level 3 #
My 5 year old copy of Eudora 7 does this for free. And it rates the emails with chili peppers. I think the worst I ever got was 3 chilis for a REMOVE I sent. It seemed to do a fairly good analysis because there was minimal cursing, mainly threats of reporting to Spamcop and the FTC.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 17:15 GMT
Doug Glass
Never Say or Write Anything ... #
... you wouldn't want your momma (mum to you Brits) to hear or read.
That being said, if I send an angry, pissed off email you better believe I want it to be taken that way. Being a retired old curmudgeon and decades old flamer, I have no problem in burning certain bridges and in fact get great pleasure from it. May do the situation absolutely no good except that at least one worthless individual knows he's been tagged. You just have to know when it's best to remain silent and then do so. The rest are fair game and for me it's open frakkin' season on the idiots of the world.
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 09:31 GMT
John Smith 19
@Doug Glass #
"... you wouldn't want your momma (mum to you Brits) to hear or read."
Or a dozen or so complete strangers who know (or can find out) *exactly* who you are.
At least one set of operators know *exactly* who you are.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 20:40 GMT
John Smith 19
Am I alone in thinking #
Those *most* in need will be those *least* likely to use?
Otherwise I applaud the *ideal*. The Net can always do with more Henry Spencer and less Brad Guth.*
*IMHO of course. I wouldn't want to offend anyone.
Posted Wednesday 21st July 2010 23:23 GMT
Tom 35
After receiving a bad score.... #
People will reword their email to get a better score. Using @$$H0L3 for example is sure improve your score over the standard spelling.
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 09:55 GMT
Elmer Phud
Donkey or bottom? #
I prefer 'Arse' to 'Ass' --
Arsehole has a better ring to it
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 11:07 GMT
Flugal
Quite #
And has the added bonus that it doesn't conjure up the image of a donkey's sphincter.
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 11:12 GMT
Anonymous Coward
RE: Donkey or bottom? #
"I prefer 'Arse' to 'Ass' --
Arsehole has a better ring to it"
Those stupid Americans can't spell for toffee. Someone tried to make it easier for them by taking letters out of words (eg "Armour" has no "u" in America)
Unfortunately, when the letters were removed and juggled around, so was the common sense. I mean "ass" - that's a fecking donkey and we all know it. Except Americans who think it's a bottom.
Posted Thursday 22nd July 2010 21:07 GMT
jake
@AC 11:12 #
"I mean "ass" - that's a fecking donkey and we all know it. Except Americans who think it's a bottom."
Except Bottom *was* an ass ... for a reason. I guess in your mind, the Bard of Avon couldn't write worth a shit?
And that word, it's more properly spleled "fucking". HTH :-)
This post has been deleted by its author
Posted Sunday 25th July 2010 23:16 GMT
mafoo
look what i found #
hehe, just saw this safari extension:
http://www.apfelquak.de/2010/07/15/safari-extension-someone-is-wrong-on-the-internet/
locks comment fields on websites
enjoy
This topic is closed for new posts.